I’ve got this compulsive urge to write about my Easter experience. This post will be very honest and somewhat personal. It will be about spiritual matters.
I have a terrible urge to just type right now “CHRIST IS RISEN!” in all caps with an exclamation point. Yea, like that, but I can’t say that was my attitude Easter morning. I was certainly awake that morning and refreshed as I got out of bed. But a few minutes later, in the sea of people singing at Austin Stone (hosted at the Frank Erwin Center), I found myself struggling to even mouth the words “Oh happy day.” Praise song followed praise song. I later sang, but the words seemed empty. I felt like I was lying. Finally, I just bowed my head and prayed - Holy Spirit would you just come and convict me.
As everyone took their seats, Matt Carter started preaching. He talked about the resurrection and what it meant for three people. For Mary Magdalene, who had gone early in the morning to the tomb to mourn the death of her dear teacher. For her to find the tomb empty and for her to cry the more, thinking Jesus’s body had been stolen by grave robbers. And then for Jesus to appear – for Mary, the resurrection transformed her despair into joy.
Matt Carter also talked about what the resurrection meant for Thomas. For his whole life, Thomas knew of Jesus as the Messiah, the one who would rescue his people. He thought Jesus would become a great political leader and conquer everyone and establish a perfect and just kingdom. When Jesus’s back was broken on the cross, Thomas’s faith broke with it. Jesus had disappointed his expectations and Thomas lost hope. And then for Jesus to reappear and show Thomas his nail-scarred hands – for Thomas, the resurrection transformed his hopelessness into faith.
And last of all, Matt Carter talked about what the resurrection meant for Peter. The day before Jesus was crucified, Peter denied Jesus three times. He cursed and disowned his closest friend. And when he realized what he had done, he wept bitterly. He felt there would never be a chance to repair that relationship with his friend Jesus. When Jesus reappeared, Peter ran away. He didn’t want to see Jesus; he didn’t want to show his face. He was too covered in shame and guilt. Peter ended up going fishing, perhaps to distract himself. He spent the night on a boat. As dawn broke, he looked towards the shore and saw Jesus there, waiting patiently for him. And then it finally hit Peter. For Peter, the resurrection showed Jesus’s love. A love that pursues us even when we are unfaithful to him.
As Matt Carter began preaching about Peter, I realized what had kept me from praising the Lord. It was my sin. It was sin that I had shoved to the corner of my mind, because I was ashamed of it. It was the sin I had not brought fully before God. Matt Carter preached with prophetic power - I felt like he was talking directly to me. My heart screamed, yes, I am who you talk about. I ended up bawling next to a guy I had just met and a girl I didn’t know. And the snot was just going everywhere. And the thing about the Erwin Center is that it’s huge and there’s a bunch of people and the bathrooms are really far away.
I cried because I experienced the enormous, weighing truth of the Gospel. It just was so true and deep that I couldn’t do anything to resist the tears. This is the truth, that God loves us and pursues us like a husband pursues after an unfaithful wife. Even in our sin, God still loves us.
