I got called out by my professor (who incidentally is also a dean) for not doing good work. Thus, I had to write a reflection for him on why I turned in such poor work. The first paragraph of my reflection is here, so I do not forget this experience. (For background knowledge, he previously cornered me into agreeing with him that I was “elite.” - he is quite the dean.)
Most questions in this world have two answers: a clean, short one and a deeper and more complicated one. As most questions that are worth asking in this world are complicated, it naturally follows that the more complicated explanations are the better answers. For example, the famous question “What caused the Civil War?” can be answered in either one word – “Slavery” – or in a ten-page essay that begins with something like “It is amazing that even today, nearly 150 years after the Civil War started, there is passionate debate regarding the ‘cause[s]’ of the Civil War….” The question that confronts us today is not as age-old as the Civil War debate but it is nevertheless complicated and has both a superficial and a more comprehensive explanation. It is, as you asked, ““How can you, being elite, turn in something of such poor quality?”
College completely called Colossians 3:23 on me.
EDIT: And then, BAM, in the middle of writing the essay.
In this moment of epiphany, this essay is no longer intellectual and formal but has become personal. It has just revealed to me how disgustingly intellectual and arrogant I am. I analyze, I dissect, I judge and weigh my heart as if it is not my own. I do this with a façade of rationality, but it is only to protect my ego. I look back at the earlier parts of the essay, and now they seem utterly ridiculous. The simple and true answer to the question is that I simply have not put enough effort in this inquiry, as well as other parts of my college education due to laziness. I have been arrogant enough to deny it up until now. Now that I really search my heart, I know that I need to work harder. I am a Christian, and this experience, for me, has ultimately been a call for me to live out Colossians 3:23 – “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters.”
Forget the simple and complicated explanations. It is sometimes the most vulnerable ones that one finally stumbles upon – in the digging within one’s own bare heart – that contains the most truth. Thank you, Dean Laude.
